


acid

by tfnchu



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Character Study, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, kinda based off of star wars, space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:01:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28626147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tfnchu/pseuds/tfnchu
Summary: It was extraordinarily stupid, 4 teens and a few other fleets of rebels taking down the government?? Insanity, even for Killua and the probably unnerving amount of insane shit he’s experienced in his life.Well, he guesses all of them are a bit off the deep end. Gon, Leorio, Kurapika-- they’ve all lost a lot and that’ll do that to a person. Killua looks up to the acidic sky again and wonders if what he’s gained will be worth the losses.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	acid

**Author's Note:**

> please note that i was not mentally ok when writing this earlier last year which is why it is so over the top depressing, it's more of a therapy piece than anything else + there is a lot more to the story than i've written!! i had a whole plot set up and stuff but i have to be in a really specific mindset to write and i just wanted to get rid of this in my google drive. i hope it's enjoyable anyways. i may go back and write more (i have some done but not enough to include it) but idk
> 
> to clarify, the end section of this is actually the end and so is the beginning, but there would be more in the middle. sorry i’m tired and can’t write rn

The sky is on fire, bright oranges and reds cutting through the usual light blue in an unsettling blur of color. In any other situation Killua might’ve frozen and dropped the uncaring act to stare in awe at the display above the treetops, but the tight clammy grip Gon has on his hand as they race through the forest keeps him grounded. 

“Killua,” Gon says between heavy pants from exertion and their hands swinging with each step, “can you ask Kurapika how far away they are? Are we safe yet?”

Killua glances at him, expecting to see desperation in his eyes like any other sane person would, but only sees plain determination. He mentally slaps himself, _of course_. Yeah, they may be running for their lives, but that’s never stopped Gon before from approaching even the worst situations possible with borderline insane optimism. It’s contagious, the sight of his bright eyes making Killua’s widen in return and he can feel himself falling like he has more and more lately. 

_Stupid!_

He tears his gaze away and forces himself to focus on avoiding the dense shrubbery littering the forest floor. Now is not the time to be thinking about this shit, they might _die_ for fucks sake and then sorting through his feelings will be all for nothing. 

So he squeezes Gon’s hand and nods, still looking away. 

“Yeah, hold on a sec,” he says, reaching into his pants pocket and pulling out the slim com device Leorio had gifted him months ago. He punches in the Phantom Troupe’s head ship’s com code and brings the screen up to his ear as the dial tone rings. 

“Killua, is that you??” The familiar voice of Kurapika asks in a rushed tone. 

“Of course it’s me you idiot, I’m guessing you guys got in so why haven’t you called yet? We’re about 5 minutes away from hitting the beach and certain death if those shitheads are still on our tails.”

Kurapika sighs in relief over the line. “Thank god, I’m so sorry Killua— Leorio and I ran into some issues with the Troupe’s security system over here.”

“And? What’s it look like?”

“The sniper jets are a few, maybe three, minutes away from arriving so hold on. Is Gon with you?”

“Yes, dumbass. You know Gon would be lost in seconds out here without me.”

Gon perks up at the mention of his name and glances over, asking an unsaid question. Killua holds up 3 fingers and he nods. 

“Yeah like you aren’t the same way,” and Killua can practically hear him rolling his eyes as he says it. 

“S-shut up! Just focus on keeping us alive, huh?” And he hangs up, tightening his free hand into a fist after slipping the device back into his pocket. 

Now with nothing else to focus on he can feel the intense burning in his calves again and the sweat that’s beading on his forehead. However, he’s beyond relieved that their plan’s working because honestly he had come to terms with spending the rest of his days in jail while they were coming up with it. It was extraordinarily stupid, 4 teens and a few other fleets of rebels taking down the government?? Insanity, even for him and the probably unnerving amount of insane shit he’s experienced in his life. 

Well, he guesses all of them are a bit off the deep end. They’ve all lost a lot— people, places, values— and that’ll do that to a person. He looks up to the acidic sky again and wonders if what he’s gained will be worth the losses. 

\------------

When he first met Gon, it had been 2 years ago. They had been in the Hunter’s training camp on _Galaxia Yorknew_ , one of the biggest refugee ships in the galaxy. At the time Killua had no interest in revolution, he had just wanted to escape the death grip his family had on him and the one place they wouldn’t be able to track him down would be in the masses. He’d heard stories of how the Phantom Troupe were ruthless in their plundering of other planets so there was no shortage of displaced people to hide among. 

After a couple weeks of surviving off of handouts and sleeping fitfully on the hard floors of the shelters, one night he decided that if nothing interesting happened soon he’d pack up and find somewhere else to practice his skills. 

He got up from his space on the floor and wandered around the deserted halls, mentally filing through every other ship he knew of. 

“Kid, maybe it’s time to give up,” a scratchy voice echoed from around an upcoming bend. Killua immediately stiffened and pressed his back against the nearest wall. He had ran into some sketchy people a couple nights ago who he very much did not want to see again; he was trained well enough to know when he couldn’t win a fight.

“But Leeeooorrriiooo” another voice with a high pitched lilt to it drawled. Killua could practically hear the accompanying pout, and he let out a breath. Whoever they were, they probably weren’t a threat. 

“Shhhh, up ahead! Look at her bag!”

Faint footsteps echoed around the metal walls and Killua made the impulse decision to follow them. He was trained at trailing and he _was_ looking for practice anyways. 

Killua peered around the bend and saw the backs of two figures, one hunched over, probably an older man, and a small child-like one. As they ran forward quietly another smaller figure came into view in front of them. 

“Ma’am!! Excuse me!” The taller shadow whisper-yelled, waving despite the figure up in front of them facing away from them. “Can we ask you about that pin?”

And that’s how he found out about the Hunters— the rebels built from victims of the Troupe. 

\------------

In a cramped, damp janitor closet in the back of a maze of hallways, a small crowd of people all with sunken faces and desperate eyes filed in. Killua had come early, just to observe who was gonna show (and maybe to see if those people from yesterday came). There seemed to be some stronger looking figures slinking in as the glowing numbers from a clock on the wall ticked closer to the meeting time. 

From eavesdropping he had deduced everyone here must’ve done some scavenger hunting in order to find a person with a pin in the first place, meaning they all knew more about the Troupe than him. Yeah, he had heard about them since they were the fucking head of the “government”, and his father had mentioned getting jobs from them a couple times, but not enough to know there was such a huge opposition force in place. He guesses most people who employ his family aren’t the best people. Maybe he should read the news more.

Also that meant anyone here could’ve gotten the meeting info by listening in on someone else too; the Hunters must have something in place to make sure they don’t make it too far then since the old lady had mentioned the force had been around for a while. 

“Hey, Leorio! Look there’s another kid here!!” A familiar voice yelled way too optimistically for the situation. Killua turned to find the owner of the voice and saw a gruff-looking man and a kid his age standing in the small doorway. 

“Hey, what do you mean, I’m fifteen!” Killua scowled as they approached his corner. 

“Oh, me too!” The kid exclaimed.

“Sure, kid.” Presumably Leorio grunted. 

“Ok and what are you, you old man?? 30?” Yeah, that was stretching it a bit, he was probably around 25, but the look on his face was worth it. 

“ _Kid_ ,” Leorio’s jaw clenched and his eyebrows furrowed, “I’m a teenager just like you guys so shut. up.” 

Both Killua and the other kid’s jaws dropped in shock. 

“Guys, guys break it up” a smooth voice approached from Killua’s left. He was about to look over, but the way the kid’s eyes widened and seemed to soak up the minimal light around the room in happiness was oddly captivating. When was the last time Killua saw someone so bright?

“Ah, Kurapika you made it” Leorio smiled slightly. Killua shifted his gaze over to the pair just in time to see Kurapika slap him, not in a very friendly way, on the shoulder. Leorio’s smile slid into his previous frown as he jumped back. 

“I still haven’t forgiven you— don’t act like we’re friends,” Kurapika said through gritted teeth. Killua was about to remark about how he had just been the one telling them to stop fighting but a tug on his hand stopped him. 

“Just ignore them, they’ve been bickering like an old married couple since we met,” the kid whispered in Killua’s direction, but loud enough for them to hear. He almost laughed at that, however the looks on Leorio’s and Kurapika’s faces were murderous. Seemed a little overkill for the comment, huh. Maybe he was onto something. 

“Anyyyyways,” the kid said much more loudly, breaking the tension, “My name’s Gon! What’s yours?”

“Killua,” he felt one side of his mouth tilt up in a smile. He was finding it hard not to, around Gon. 

“Nice to meet you Killua!! This is Leorio and this is Kurapika! I’ve been traveling with Leorio for around a year now but we just met Kurapika a couple days ago”.

“Cool,” Killua was honestly just glad another person his age was here. He had expected to work alone, like always, but maybe his family was wrong, maybe….

“Why are you here, Killua?”

“I was bored,” he said, shrugging off his thoughts. Three pairs of eyes blinked at him. 

“You….. decided to join a rebellion…. because you were bored?” Leorio said, his mouth gaping. 

Killua put his hands behind his head, “yeah, I just wanted to get away from my home at first but this is much better than skipping ships”. 

Kurapika and Leorio glanced at each other in obvious concern, anger forgotten, while Gon just smiled widely at him. 

“That’s so cool!! What—“ Gon started to exclaim but a voice from the front of the room cut him off. 

As the speaker began introducing himself, the colors in the room began to shift and blur, the happiness Killua had felt bleeding out into the memory, but the contentment stayed. What had he been thinking about back then?

_Family._

_\------------_

Why had he thought of that now? Focusing on moving was important but that memory seemed so as well. 

He carried Gon on his back, his knees braced against the strain of his weight plus the sand sucking his shoes into the ground. The sky he had admired just a while earlier stretched across his entire vision, but it seemed almost bloody now, like scabs were forming around the molten edges of the clouds and violently clashing with the calm blue of the waves below it. 

A few more steps and Killua’s legs gave out for the first time. He had always been able to keep going, keep pushing, ignoring his emotions, but as he dragged Gon’s body towards him all he could think of was the crushing anger, hopelessness, despair— it felt freeing. He had to keep trying though. To keep control. For Gon. 

“Gon!” He called out as he cradled his head in his lap, his thoughts still a cacophony inside his head, as tears dripped down his face. He clenched his eyes shut, trying to regain that control. 

How did it come to this?

The plan had worked, everyone back on the ship had a great chance at overpowering the Troupe now. 

Was it wrong that Killua wished they had failed? Retreated and given up with countless lives lost because of it, but none of them would’ve been Gon. 

“... Killua?” 

“Gon?” His eyes shot open and found Gon staring up at him, just a little less bright than usual. Only Killua would know how monumental that was. 

“Did we…fix it?”

“Yeah, we did. Your selfless ass saved them,” Killua choked out, his vision blurring. 

Gon reached up with his non injured hand shakily and brushed away the wetness trailing down his cheek with his thumb. 

“It’s ok Killua, I’m glad I’m with you right now,” he said with a small smile. He knew it and wasn’t going to run like they always had. The resolution burned in his eyes. 

Killua opened his mouth to argue that wasn’t what was happening, he wasn’t going to— but the blaring trill of his com interrupted him. 

Hurriedly, with the hand he wasn’t cradling Gon’s head with, he accepted the call. 

“Kurapika! Please, _please_ send help I can’t believe, this idiot, get the med ship! I….I...” His breath caught in his throat, the grip he had on his heart faltering. 

“K-Killua, the Troupe’s death ship is here.”

“What?!” Killua froze. That meant—

“They brought the beam, the-they’re already here, it’s too late, I’m so sorry—,” muffled sobbing came through the line and his eyes widened. For a minute it felt like the world was ending. 

That terrifying dread was something Killua had always lived with being an assassin, but this was different. He always managed to find a way out, to protect himself and more recently, to protect Gon. By the way Kurapika was reacting, though, they must be close enough where any rescue ships would blow up with them if they tried to come. 

Killua’s gaze drifted down to Gon, who was staring back up at him questioningly. 

Gon was badly injured judging by all of the blood staining Killua’s pants and the sand underneath them, no matter what he might say. For a moment, it was overwhelming. He could’ve started forming a plan, but if Gon wasn’t going to make it nothing mattered. The emotions coursed through him, almost resembling the electricity he was so familiar with: the fear of death, the anger at their lives being cut so short, his love for Gon… and then the relief. 

Together. They were together. 

What had he been trying to control again? He couldn’t for the life of him remember why he had cared so much. 

If this was going to happen, he was so, _so_ grateful someone up above decided he was deserving enough to be with Gon. 

He breathed out and noticed the clouds had dissipated to reveal baby pink skin, illuminated by the newly glowing setting sun. 

“Kurapika, it’s ok. Where’s Leorio?” He wasn’t shaking anymore. 

“He’s—“ the audio was cut by static for a moment. 

“ARE YOU GUYS ALRIGHT?? KILLUA? IS GON THERE TOO??” Killua cringed, drawing the com a little further away from his ear at Leorio’s outburst. 

“Yeah, we’re both here. Gon’s badly hurt though”. 

“It’s ok, we’re gonna figure something out and get you guys, fuck those Troupe bastards, I don’t know what we’re gonna do but—“

“Leorio, you know we’re done for.” He gritted his teeth, ready to argue since Leorio’s thought process has always defied logic. Leorio audibly paused and Gon shifted in Killua’s lap, patiently watching him talk for once in his life. 

Something clattered in the background on Leorio’s line and he could hear Kurapika whispering frantically with him. 

“Can you guys stop muttering nonsense and hurry the fuck up,” he said sharply. With no distractions Killua was afraid whatever had broken within him would reform. 

Once it seemed like someone finally got control of the phone, Leorio’s gruff voice spoke again. 

“Kids… _fuck_ …. I don’t fucking know what to say…” He choked up, the words getting more and more stunted with panic. 

“I love both you guys so much, I just,” The com was set down on something and more distant sobbing could be heard. 

“Leorio, Kurapika,” Killua briefly bit down on the inside of his bottom lip, “just… just stay on the line, ok? I’m just glad to not be alone and I know Gon is, too. We all knew there was a high possibility of this happening when we joined”. 

_What a fucking depressing thing to say_. There wasn’t much he could do to console them, though. What the fuck do you even say in this situation?? If he wasn’t trying to keep up appearances for them he would’ve laughed. 

“When the time comes we’ll hang up, but for now I’ll put you guys on speaker. So Gon can talk too.”

At the mention of his name, Gon perked up, although it was obvious his injuries were worsening and it wouldn’t be much later until—. 

_I’ve gotta let myself feel for him. No hiding now, no distancing myself from the few people who’ve managed to put up with me._

And so they talked. About anything and everything, training camp, their dreams for the world, what they wanted to do after the war. Kurapika was going to keep tracking down Troupe members, Leorio to get actually certified as a nurse. Gon talked relatively animatedly about his dream for his dad to hear about him and what he had done for the Hunters. Killua about being with Gon and hoping his sister was doing well and would escape their family. 

It was only around 4 minutes but it felt like an eternity, stars and galaxies reforming and dying out, life continuing and ever present. What will it feel like when it’s gone?

When the rumbling started and it felt like even the air was tensing up in preparation for what was to come, Killua decided it was time. It might’ve been cruel but he pressed the end call button with a trembling finger without warning, no goodbyes. 

He shifted Gon up so that he was straddling his lap and they could be face to face. 

The sun was completely unrestricted now, the sand almost glowing in the dying light that was creating an almost halo-like aura around Gon’s form. 

_Could he do this? The urge to suppress and trample was so strong._

“I love you.”

Killua’s head snapped up to meet his gaze, his eyes wide. _He?!_

“Gon?“ His eyes searched the familiar ones across from him, “You? I-“

“You don’t have to say anything! I know, I just needed to say it, you know, you mean so-“

“Can you please shut up for a second, dumbass!” He took in a shuddering breath, his eyes flickering to the clumped sand under his legs and back to Gon, “I’m trying to say I love you too.” 

The words were out of his mouth before he could think and all the resistance in his head was gone, the pieces crushed to dust. He felt wetness dripping down his cheeks like blood and he knew. 

He paused, debating whether he should tell Gon all of his feelings the past couple years, the stuff he never ever shared with anyone. But looking into his eyes made all of those thoughts drop away; it didn’t matter in the end. What mattered was he was with Gon here and now and he loved him. 

The rumbling grew louder and even though they couldn’t see the ship from their position he knew the reactor was almost charged and ready. 

Killua’s hands were dyed a muted pink as he lifted them to frame Gon’s head, and he gently tilted it down as he pressed his lips to his forehead. 

After a moment, he lifted his head back up and they stared like they were committing each other to memory. 

_Even with it ending like this, I wouldn’t have had it any other way._

“Me neither, Killua.” He hadn’t realized he had said it out loud, but he didn’t regret it. 

Gon shivered and jolted Killua out of his thoughts. 

“It’s ok, you don’t have to be strong right now, sure as hell I’m not” he said with a dry smile as he realized what Gon had been doing. At that, he collapsed into Killua’s chest, his head hooked on his shoulder and his arms wrapped loosely around his waist. Killua did the same with one hand cradling his head and stared out into the glittering ocean. It was beautiful. He had never been the one for poetry like his mother, but this definitely deserved a verse. 

Gon’s, the sun’s, and the sand’s warmth blurred together in a combined embrace; Killua felt happier than he had ever been. 

The ground began to shake from the large gathering of energy just above the atmosphere and the clashing of the waves with the shore grew a bit louder, but not violent. 

Killua just tightened his grip on Gon’s tattered shirt and held on like he always had. 

And when the monstrous ray of blue light cut through the middle of the last of the setting sun’s rays, Killua felt it burn itself into his pupils. 

He stared and stared as Gon’s breathing slowed and the roaring of the ground being upheaved drowned out the lapping of the waves. 

And once it blocked out the sun and the air went cold he tore his eyes away from the destruction and tucked his face into Gon’s neck where there was no longer a pulse and felt warm nonetheless. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading this shit <3 i love hxh and resonated a lot with killuas character so i hope i did him justice. i feel like since gon and killua have completely different love languages (among other emotional baggage) that's why neither of them realize that they want the same thing. in this fic i just wanted to put killua in a position where he has to learn to express his emotions directly to his friends and gon, kinda like the chimera ant arc where it took a life or death battle for him to finally break down (break in a positive way). anyways, like writing this, posting it is something im doing more for me than for people to actually read this, so if you did i'm really sorry for this mess


End file.
